torn apart

i seemed to have forgotten that i've started this blog in february this year and a lot has happened since.

i actually re-read all my posts, and realized that things has not been going as it is since march - which means 6 months had passed since we both supposedly have broken up.

lately things has been crazy at the office. so yeah, since my last post and to date i have not managed to meet up with the ex.

his mum has been asking for me - wanting me to drop by for a visit - which i decline to go and he tried to reason with me. i felt pressured, texted him that this was not how it ought to be: since we've declared to just being friends i shouldn't feel pressured. partially, i was pissed and stressed at work as well.

i want him to move on so badly. to forget me. to "cheat" on me. to get use to not having me in his life as his love one anymore.

i feel pressured that he makes me feel as though he is still relying on me - to go shopping with him, to drop by and visit his mother cause she misses me... cause deep down both of us still feel for this relationship and i don't think it's as crystal clear as "just being friends"... and i don't think it's healthy if i did visit his mother.

i think i've been going around in circles. yet some part of me felt that my life did change in some ways.

i think i gotta get out of the picture. prolly this just being friends thing will never work out properly. to date we probably had sex less than 5 times ever since we had broken up and agreed to "just being friends" - which means, 4 months has passed by.