perpetually stuck in a rut

i think i officially hate 2009.
i have absolute no idea what i've achieved throughout this 12 months.
i just wasted 365 days of my life.

i've finally come to a point of devastation and frustration which is not really a good combination.
however, through constant indulgence of self pity through out this few months, i did succeed in realizing a few things that i need to do or rather ought to do and had begun doing for and with myself.

i don't know but i felt like shaking all this shackles from me.
firstly there's the 3 different cell groups that i've been attending through out this year.
i've finally come to shaking one off. well, have not officially announced it but have at least officially mentioned it to both my cell leader and assistant cell leader.

got rid of "ghost from the past".
he no longer bugs me. hopefully it will stay like that for a long time.

relationship with the ex is like perpetually stuck.
i'm back to feeling as though we never did break up.
i'm back to feeling as though i need to break up with him to get my life moving.

relationship with friends?
yes... somehow a big giant billboard is telling me that i ought to have that one friend that i can go to.
that one friend that i can totally count for to go to in times of need.
that one friend that will be there for me no matter what.
that one friend that i can be accountable to and with despite anything.
question is... i have no idea who this friend is. sad ain't it.

quitting my job seems to be arriving soons.
i've got to from can't wait to oh my.
but i think i need to do it.
i think i need to actually go and find myself.
heck, i might even follow this guide i found.